Paperboy was one of those video games that were supposed to be simple to master that I just never got good at. I mean, that’s pretty much every video game for me—I suck at them, if you didn’t already know that—but not ever being able to master the electronic version of a job I’d held for years: that was humiliating. It was almost as humiliating as watching Get a Life, the Chris Elliott sitcom about a thirty year old paperboy named Chris who lived in the apartment above his parents garage. When it was on TV, I was a teenager with a paper route, living in a bedroom above my parents garage, and thinking that this show was a glimpse into my future.

But, anyway…

Of course, my life didn’t turn out that way. But it totally could have. And then maybe I could’ve starred in Paperboy: The Moviethe trailer for which I have embedded above.