Five Second Critic 003: Meat Loaf

In this week’s episode of Five Second Critic, I convey a universal truth about the rock and roll recording artist Meat Loaf.

Watched it and still confused? Here’s Five Second Critic for Dummies:

Meat Loaf’s 1993 hit single “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” clocked in at 5:25 in length, and that was just the radio edit. The music video edit was 7:38, and the album version weighed in at a not-so-svelte 12:01.

And this was not an anomaly in Loaf’s career, boys and girls. The shortest song on that album (Bat Out of Hell II: Back into Hell), aside from a monologue and a brief instrumental interlude, was the 4:29 closer “Lost Boys and Golden Girls.” One of the other singles from the album, “Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are” was 10:15 on the album. And, man, just look at that title!

Of course, most of the blame here really goes to the composer and lyricist, Jim Steinman. All we can really blame Meat Loaf for is not protesting. Then again, when Loaf ditched Steinman to make Bat Out of Hell III: The Monster is Loose in 2006, look what happened. So, maybe we shouldn’t complain about how verbose Steinman is after all.

Nah! We can still bitch about it. That is what the Internet is for, in the end.