OM 90210 G!

by Bethany Snyder

I’m a huge fan of the old 90210. There are whole episodes I can practically recite by heart. I, in turn, loved Dylan, Brandon, and even (gasp!) David Silver (sorry, Steve). I stayed true to my West Beverly friends long after they graduated and moved on to beach houses, clothing stores, and Noah “Puppy Dog” Hunter. So it was with great anticipation that I sat down last night to watch the new 90210.

I could have done without the blow job reference in the first five minutes.

Honestly, though, I’m hooked. Despite the fact that the guys on the show are about as interesting as day-old oatmeal (I’m talking to you, Ethan!). Despite the fact that none of the girls have eaten solid food in the past five years. Despite the fact that the plot lines are both ludicrous and over-used (sports team prank, private jet to San Fran for dinner). Despite the fact that Jim and Cindy Walsh were way more believable as parents than Rob “Melrose Place” Estes and Lori “Uncle Jesse’s Wife” Laughlin.

So, why am I hooked? Because it’s over-the-top, it’s terribly acted (with the exception of dreamy English teacher Mr. McScrufferson), and it romanticizes greed, materialism, sex, and excess. Wait, those are the reasons I don’t like it! Er…

Basically, I’m confused. I love and hate this show in equal measure, after only two episodes. There are, however, two things I’m completely sure about:

  1. Seeing Kelly, Brenda, and even Nat again makes me feel like a giddy little school girl. Yeah, “The Pit” has lost its retro charm, and I don’t for one minute buy Kel and Bren’s ooey-gooey love fest, but these are my people! And don’t they look gorgeous? Jennie Garth, especially, has aged beautifully. Which leads me to…
  2. The girls on this show desperately, desperately need to eat some cheeseburgers. If the show doesn’t last past the first few episodes, I say we inundate the CW with truckloads of Whoppers and Big Macs. Feed the cast, save the show!

In conclusion: Dylan is totally Kelly’s baby daddy. You read it here first.