The Older Woman

The following reflection was written in 2003, when I was between 25 and 26 years old.


One of the most peculiar internet relationships I struck up that first summer I had my computer was a friendship I began with a slightly older woman from Haverhill. She was either divorced or had been in a long-term relationship and she had a kid to show for it, but this somehow didn’t scare me. Her conversations with me via e-mail very very sexual and I was looking forward to meeting her when I got back to school in the Fall. Then we spoke on the phone and my perceptions changed.

She had a deeper, smokier voice than I was expecting and she had a definite Massachusetts accent. It was definitely a woman, but talking to her ruined it all for me. It was almost like talking to one of my slightly older female relatives and I just couldn’t pursue it any further.

I think I sounded freaked out on the phone and I later communicated by e-mail that her voice had kinda freaked me out. At least I was honest! We decided not to take the thing any further.

And it was kind of a shame because the woman and I had so much in common. We were both very sexual thinkers. She loved the Cure. She even asked me to sing “Just Like Heaven” once, which was her favorite.

Anyway, I think that I realized after a summer of soul-searching, that if I was going to insist on having another one of these ridiculous internet-born relationships, I might as well go back to the one I was familiar with. I thought about calling Nydia, even though I kinda swore I wouldn’t.