Finally Gonna Do It

The following reflection was written in 2003, when I was between 25 and 26 years old.

I had noticed this freshman girl Heather T. in the fall and I thought she was cute and she seemed nice, but she was dating an acquaintance of mine. I had a strict rule about not getting interested in people who were already with someone. I never wanted to be that guy. A girl had come between me and one of my friends before and I never wanted to through that again.

By the spring though, this girl was single and after everything went down with Nydia I thought I might give this Heather T. crush a shot. I certainly talked about it enough with my closest friends but really, I never did anything about it. I was too terrified. As much as I was into her, I was totally convinced she was out of my league.

The furthest I think I went in those early months of 1997 was when I had Rachael go up to her (they lived on the same floor) and start talking about boyfriends and such. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t with anybody before I threw my heart into yet another doomed crush.

Anyway, it was towards the end of March when I really started to work up the gusto to say something to her. Being a writer though, I could never express verbally what I could with words on a page. I decided to write her a letter.

It was the biggest mistake of my life to that point.