The End of the Band

The following reflection was written in 2003, when I was between 25 and 26 years old.


On a Monday afternoon, at the beginning of “hell-week” for the upcoming Student Theater Festival, Dubner and Andy quit our band. I found out from Jon, who gave me a call that simply crushed me. I’d sensed they were unhappy but I’d hoped we could get through it because it finally seemed like maybe we were getting somewhere.

It was the second thing that I’d lost in February and the band was almost as dear to me as the virginity I’d foolishly given away. These were my comrades and they had helped me tap into creative places I’d never been.

Later in the evening, KenMills, JonMartin, and I met up at the Lawrence Showcase Cinemas and took in a showing of That Thing You Do, the new Tom Hanks flick that told the story of a band’s rise and fall. I’m pretty sure Ken and Jon don’t recall it this way, but I’m sure it’s the way it happened.

After the movie, I think we stood around in the parking lot talking about how we were going to press on without them. Jon was learning guitar and maybe I could to. The three of us and Beth the Bassist would keep on keeping on. I think we all suspected we were full of shit, but it felt good to hear. Besides I had a play to worry about and I couldn’t be too occupied with the fall of our band at the moment. “Promising” that we’d somehow keep it together was enough for me to keep it together for the immediate future.

Andy and Dubner didn’t get along with Ken. Andy got along with Jon, but I think there was always a kind of brotherly rivalry there, a love-hate relationship. I think if Andy and Jeff had felt more in control they might have stayed. Everyone knew it was Jon and Ken’s band. They founded it and they held the most weight. I think Andy and Jeff’s egos just weren’t down with that.

Andy played in other bands for a while and then rejoined us for a time. After that he wrote songs on his own and now, it appears, he has given up songwriting altogether. Dubner, as far as I know, hasn’t played drums since he left our group.