The following reflection was written in 2003, when I was between 25 and 26 years old.

The snow was coming down like nobody’s business. It looked as though the Winter Ball might be canceled, but I didn’t care. Nydia and I, after almost meeting a week or so before, were planning to give it another try. I had no one to go to the ball with anyway and this girl was promising me things, both in what she said and the way she said it. It was a simple choice for me to make. It no longer mattered to me that she was a short black chick with dyed red hair. I wouldn’t walk away, almost positive I had just passed her, this time.

I got in my car against my better judgement, at the behest of a penis who was telling me he’d never get hard again if I passed up this chance. I drove my way down to Malden Center Station, just off Interstate 93 south, and I took the T into the city.

I got off at the Hynes Convention Center stop on the green line, after switching trains at Haymarket. Then I made my way to the college, to the same building I’d gone a week before and there she was, in almost the same spot.

Nydia wasn’t gorgeous like some girls I’d fallen for but she was beautiful in her own way. She was short and curvaceous and her dyed red hair only looked out of place for a second or two hanging down across her dark face.

We hugged or something and she took me up to her room to meet her roommate. We all talked for a while and then we went down to see her roommate play in a talent show. Before her roommate went on though, Nydia took me back upstairs. Agreeing to go had just been her clever way of convincing her roommate she should play that night, so that Nydia could get the room to herself.

Back in her room, she sat me down on her bed and then straddled me. She kissed me, the first girl to touch my lips since Louann, and it was wonderful. I was too nervous to do anything more so she took my hands and guided them up under her long, flowery blue skirt. She wasn’t wearing any underwear. She had told me she didn’t, but actually feeling the lack of panties was something I wasn’t prepared for.

For the next little while, until her roommate came back from the show, my hands ventured places they had never been and her hands and mouth ventured on my body where no other hands or mouth had ever been. It was so amazing, so intense, so wrong in a way. We had just met, even though we’d been talking online for weeks.

It was the polar opposite of my experience with Jennifer. This girl seemed to want me even more than she had indicated in e-mail and it was a wonderful feeling to be wanted, to be desire physically. I couldn’t and I didn’t refuse her anything.

When her roommate came back we stuck around for a while. I was particularly interested in the musical composition program her roommate had on her computer. She played us some really good shit. After a little while it came time for us to go out.

Nydia wrapped herself up in a coat but she didn’t bother to put any underwear on and we went out into the freezing cold of the city. When we eventually sat on a stone bench somewhere outside Copley Square I couldn’t help but wonder how she was able to sit with her thin skirt and nothing to protect her besides that.

When we got back to the room and everyone was asleep the adventuring went further. It didn’t feel real and really it wasn’t, but that didn’t matter to me. It was sexual gratification and if she was willing to give it to me freely I wasn’t going to complain.