Complete and Utter Randomness

The following reflection was written in 2003, when I was between 25 and 26 years old.


All semester long I had been doing a radio show on Wednesday evenings called “Complete and Utter Randomness.” It would turn out to be one of my major creative outlets over the next four years but it began modestly with two hours of me playing tunes and not knowing how the microphones worked. Eventually my roommate joined me as co-host and we had a pretty winning team. It was after one show though, towards the end of the semester, that our team unity was put to the test by a revelation at a Dunkin Donuts just down the street.

After a radio show in the latter portion of 1995, Russel and Rachael and I got into my Ford Tempo and drove down Route 125 to the Dunkin Donuts that sat on the border of Haverhill, MA and Plaistow, NH. After we grabbed some food from inside I was about ready to pull out and head home when the two of them almost simultaneously said, “Hold on. We have something to tell you.”

I had been crushing on Rachael for a couple of months now and even though I knew she wasn’t interested in me at this point, it still hurt when I realized what they were about to tell me. I forget who explained or how they said it, but the basic gist of the conversation was that in his attempts to help me win over Rachael the two of them had discovered a mutual feeling for one another.

It was probably one of the hardest things I’d ever done when I told them that night that I was fine with it. I took my medicine. I was beaten and there was nothing I could do about it.

Thus set in motion one of the most interesting group dynamics of my college career. Russel and Rachael dated but it was as if their dating made the friendship between Rachael and I even stronger, stronger than any friendship I’d had to that point. When things got rough between the two of them it was as if I had to choose sides. The easier thing to do would have been to stick by the guy I had to live with, but I always stuck by the girl instead. That’s just the way I was. I didn’t like men by nature.

Anyway, they were going out and it was a bitter pill to swallow but I swallowed it. Any other reaction would have just made things more difficult than they ever needed to be.