Panic Setting In

I resumed writing “The One About Albert…” this morning and was pretty pleased about where it was going as a story, but pretty worried about the subject matter I was tackling. Whenever an element of my true life story finds its way into a piece I’m working on, I feel a little bit queasy. When that element involves someone I love, someone I’m related to, I feel even sicker about it. I’m not trying to drag them down but whenever I write, I have an obligation to convey the truth of my experiences and my memories.

I won’t get into the particulars. You know me — I’m a tease. All I’ll say is that, like every piece I write, it’ll be worth it in the end.

The trouble with writing something I’m happy with in the morning is that writing something I’m happy with during my day at work is even tougher. It wasn’t until the residency, when someone asked me if writing full-time sapped my creative energies, that I realized maybe writing as a job wasn’t going to work for me forever. I’m really starting to have my doubts about it now. Do I have enough words to spread around?

I also had to wonder today if I had enough time to spread around, especially when it came to reading. I have a ton of material to get through in the next two weeks and I’m really worried aobut getting everything done for the first deadline, which is September 15. That’s actually the day my stuff has to be to my advisor so the real deadline is even earlier than that. I kinda have to get my shit in the mail by a week from Friday. That’s not a lot of time.