I Hate New York

Oh, New York, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. I guess we could start with the Yankees, the Jets, the Giants, whatever their fucking WNBA team is called… You might as well throw the New Jersey Nets in their too because we all know that Jersey is New York’s ugly older sister who’s still never gotten laid and is now considering paying a male prostitute an ample amount of money to fuck her six ways till Sunday… Sunday being the day of the week I’d like to get to again very quickly so as to erase the memory of today.

I don’t hate the Buffalo Bills though. They beat the piss out of my beloved New England Patriots today but still, I cannot hate them. I don’t know why this is. Perhaps it’s because they’re from upstate New York… Yeah, that’s got to be it. Because, I don’t hate Albany either, that being because my friend Heather is from around those parts.

Why do we, as New Englanders hate all them (you) New Yorkers? I can’t really explain it. Maybe it has something to do with your fucking superiority complex. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we had the balls to start a revolution and this whole fucking country and then you guys rode our coattails and all of a sudden you’re the fucking epicenter of civilization.

Or maybe it’s just that I’m a lunatic.

Whatever it is, I am proud to say that I hate New York. Fuck New York and all the goddamned sympathy it expects for September 11. People died in Washington too. One of the pilots was from Dracut, just down the street from me. But New York is a glory hound. She’s a bitch. She belongs in Hollywood with the rest of the whores selling themselves every day for a cheap buck.

Fuck New York.