Why Chris Never Got None

Rather than talk about how I failed miserably this morning at getting the page count down on my latest story, let’s go off on a little tangent for a moment. It has occurred to me numerous times in recent history, this thing which I wish to discuss, but I have never really brought it up. You see, I have a great many friends who had a lot of sex throughout high school and college while I was just trying to get laid just once. I have male friends who were lusted after by all of our female acquaintances and I have female friends who lusted after or fucked all of the men in their lives except for me. What I want to know is, why is this?

Fundamentally, it doesn’t really matter. I share my bed with a woman I love now and, without getting into any explicit detail, I can say that my sex life isn’t half-bad. It does bother me though, when I reminisce with friends about days gone by, that everyone else seemed to be fucking their brains out while I remained the fat kid that everyone kinda liked to hang out with when there was no one to be fucking around with.

I mean, it started with my very first girlfriend. She fucked or fooled around with every single guy she ever dated except for me. She even made out with KenMills once, in the back seat of my Ford Tempo. It started there and it never stopped. Countless female friends and acquaintances would go for any guy besides me but they would never even consider hooking up with me. That was just unimaginable.

And I have male friends who talk to me about all the girls that’ve wanted them and/or slept with them. I certainly don’t mind hearing the stories, for living vicariously through your single friends is one of the only ways a married guy can stay faithful, but it always makes me wonder what the fuck I was doing wrong that no girls ever threw themselves at me.

I look back at pictures and yes I was really fat at times and quite awkward, but I can’t ever put my finger on why it was that I got no action in high school and college. There were certainly guys uglier and fatter than me getting some. Why was I not even a consideration?

Ah, who the fuck knows? It was just something I was thinking about when I sat down to write tonight.