We here at That Little Bastad.com would like to give special thanks this fine day to the Florida Marlins. First, we thank the Marlins for beating that Satanic cult of baseball terrorists known as the New York Yankees on Saturday night. Second, we thank the Marlins for the fact that they’re still playing at all because they share a stadium with Miami Dolphins, and it was at that stadium today that the New England Patriots played and won. What does the win have to do with the Marlins? Well, the baseball diamond is still on the field because the Marlins are still playing and the surface of a baseball diamond is not ideal for making field goal kicks and because of this the Dolphins missed two (one of them was blocked) and we won.
All that being said, let me explain that I have nothing else to talk about except for the fact that my persistent case of the runs continued into, like, its seventh day. That’s probably a bit of an overstatement, because I do poop rather normally during the week, but almost without fail these last four weeks or so I have come into Sunday night having spent far too much time on the toilet producing end results that are not quite normal.
Enough poopie talk. Enough football talk. It’s time for me to talk about how starting tomorrow I really need to go back to work and not stress out every day. My car is fixed. I’m caught up on my schoolwork. And, I have a job. I’m not unemployed. I have a wife. I’m not single. I have an apartment. I’m not homeless. There’s not a lot I should be worrying about and maybe if I stop worrying I will start pooping in a more normal manner and I will be able to spend more commercial breaks during Sunday football watching commercials and less on the porcelain throne in our poorly ventilated bathroom.