All I See Is The Fat

I know I’m skinnier than I’ve been since I entered high school. I know this. However, when I look in the mirror all I see is the fat that’s still there. I think that’s the curse of weight loss. You lose some and then you expect to lose it all and really, you’re never satisfied until you do. Even then, are you ever satisfied? Isn’t there some other physical imperfection you begin to pick on? It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it?

I think that a singular focus on improving the outside can never be useful to a person if they aren’t simultaneously working on the inside. Does that make sense? I think the reason that I’m still somewhat fat isn’t totally driving me nuts is because I am also working on my emotional health, on my ability to handle situations better and stress out less.

People tell me I’m thinner than I’ve ever been and I want to remind them that is still pretty fucking fat.

My goal is to lose one pound a week for the next twelve to thirteen weeks. That will put me on the higher end of my recommended weight range during the first week of February. That, in my estimation, would be just perfect.

Tonight JonMartin and I skipped writing again to venture out to Best Buy so I could pick up the new Sarah McLachlan album. I am listening to it right now, as I type this. She’s said she wrote most of the album on the piano and on the second track I can already tell. This is not a bad thing though. The songs have a particularly Sarah quality to them. I hope Jon will stop by and offer some of his thoughts as time allows.

I’m going to stop typing and start listening.