Guest Entry: Jose on the Pats Rally
S’up, yo? Jose is in the hizzouse tonight because Chris be sick all day and he ain’t got nothin’ to talk about. He hollared at his boy and asked me to fill in for the evening’s fesitivites cause I done went to the rally for our crazy-ass football team today and that sure is more interesting than Chris whining about sitting on the couch and watching it on the TV, cause you know that’s what he did. He ain’t the typa dude that be callin’ in unless he really sick. Right?
Anyway, I ain’t seen him there in Boston but maybe the dude be lying and axed me to come in and fill in so it look like he didn’t really go to Boston. You know, maybe it’s a coverup or something. You know who needs to cover up? Janet Jackson, yo. Nobody wants to see that shit no more. Now, if that there Kid Rock be tearing off shit off those dancers of his—that I woulda done rewound my tape to watch again.
Or maybe if Beyonce started stripping during the national anthem, tore her top off and shit when she singing, “land of the freeeeeee” or some shit.
Anyway, I wents down to City Hall plaza today to catch the Pat’s rally. Lots of crazy people be running around. There was this one dude dressed in an overweight cheerleader’s outfit. It was like a fat suit with a bikini top and a short skirt. There was another dude with a Patriot on his lid, and it was kicking a panther in the ass. The hat said, “Time to Kick the Kitty” or some shit. There was a dude in a throw-back red and blue minuteman costume, yo. He was harsh.
I stood so long in the cold that my legs started to give out, man. It sucked. I didn’t even bring any beers cause I didn’t need to get my ass arrested. When the finally did show up it was fucking cool and shit and I done did dig it. Tom Brady is my boy. Chris don’t like him ‘cause Stephanie is all hot for the dude and we all know Chris got reason to be worried ‘cause he’s one ugly brother.
Willie McGinest was representing and Troy Brown said, “Bingo,” like he did in those United Way commercials. It was off the hook.
Anyway, then I went home and shit and crashed cause my body be hurtin in all sorts of ways I ain’t been hurtin before. I enjoyed my shit and you gotta believe me when I say that Chris was not there. I was there. Me. Jose. This is not a clever ruse he tryin’ to pull on y’all. He really was sick.