Confidence or Arrogance
Yesterday at work had been so abnormally calm that I knew the big beatdown was coming today. It wasn’t quite as bad as I imagined and I was able to pick up the pieces of my shattered ego fairly quickly and press on. The thing that I think I’ve been a little bit more successful at doing this week is letting it slide. The job, the criticism I receive, I can’t let myself carry it beyond those doors. Outside of that insular little world, I am a whole person. I have other things that matter in my life and I can’t let it get me down.
So, I made it through my workout and through another couple of stories from Olmstead’s River Dogs collection, and then Stef and I had dinner and conversation about whether it was better for her to just continue on with the job she has now and forget about finding work in the field she’s studying (teaching the arts, and dance specifically). She weighed the pros and cons of having to wait even longer to buy a home and to start a family. She was very upset. I tried my best to comfort her.
I guess, another way I’ve been successful is to keep on keeping on with my writing. I am horrified at what I’ve produced so far with this latest story. I don’t know if its going anywhere, if there’s anything salvageable in it. I’m mortified. But I keep at it and I haven’t allowed those awful thoughts of giving up to creep into my head. I wish I could pass some of that confidence (arrogance) on to my wife. It seems like she could use it.
Tomorrow, I may reach the end of the story. It’s getting close. We’ll see how I do. Maybe I’ll love the damn thing when next we talk.