Ghosts Appear and Fade Away

I’ve been having nightmares about work. So stressful has this week become that I got sick at the end of the day, not because of something I ate, but because of the stress. It’s been a while since that’s happened to me. I know that I only have to get through one more day and then I get four days off. I did get one of the books I had to finish reading by Friday read. I suppose I should be feeling a little bit better tonight but all the old demons are creeping out of their corners.

Stef has a grand plan for getting us out of Massachusetts by the end of the year. I don’t know if that’ll be soon enough. This state that I’ve grown up in, lived my whole life in, is killing me. The job I have now is killing me and any other job I get down here, the pace of it, will probably do the same. Maine looks better and better every day. I don’t care so much about the inevitable paycut. I’m looking forward to the possibility of living in squalor. Do I really need all the bullshit that I spend the excess money on down here anyway?

What I need is a chance to write more, to read more, and to relax more. This is part of the reason I let Stef take over the financial stuff a long time ago and she’s got a plan that will make life even easier for me. There are so many reasons to love her and that’s one of them. She’s figured it all out. If I can just stop panicking for a moment, I should be able to take comfort in that.

Oh, and I need to remember that I am not a number. What the fuck does the number on my scale mean? I’m not fucking fat anymore. When will I wake up and realize that?