Geek Force 5
I had a total geek jones today. I was at work just itching to get home and watch Star Wars movies, open up my old comic book boxes, start writing something sci-fi instead of the realistic stuff I’ve been doing. Every once in a while I revert to the kid I was when I was 14 or 15. I miss that kid. Sometimes I think he was a lot cooler than I am now.
Of course, the 14 year old me would tell me I was full of shit. The 14 year old me never felt cool… I guess I never really was cool. But I was cool in the way that I was uncool. I was a geek and I was unafraid to be one.
I obcessed about Star Wars & Transformers. I played Dungeons & Dragons and other role playing games. My friends and I spent most of our time hanging out at a comic book store. I was a loser and life was good.
I crave that freedom sometimes. I crave that ability to just be the inner geek that I know I am. Fourteen year old geeks… they think the grass is greener on the cool side of the fence. They think of themselves deep down as weak. But I’ll tell you something. Fourteen year old geeks are strong. They have to be.
You have to be strong to allow yourself to be different. It takes perspective to realize that. Sure, I wanted to be thinner, and better looking. I wanted to have a girl who looked at me the way that girls looked at the football players, the way that they looked at the kids who could wear a baseball cap and not look like a fucking retard. I wanted to be the cool kid but I wasn’t. And at the end of the day, I think it took strength to even try and accept that.
Anyhoo… I’ve just spent the better part of the evening digging through old comic books. I’ll probably dig out my copy of The Empire Strikes Back sometime this weekend. I devised a cool science fiction story on lunch today.
Just when you thought I was going to become the sports obcessed typical man, I throw this revelation at ya. I’m a confusing little prick ain’t I?
Take comfort in the fact that even I don’t really understand me.