I’m Ordinary, Just Like Everyone

I cried in the bathroom at work today. It was just a little cry, but since tears did issue forth from my body I felt it was necessary to mention it here. I think I had just heard that the person who I share an office with is pregnant and those old familiar feelings of frustration with the cards I’ve been dealt began to creep up. Why, I wonder, is is that Stef and I are both surrounded by people getting knocked up, yet after three years of trying off an on, we have had no luck whatsoever?

If you hadn’t guessed what I wasn’t talking about this past weekend, then there it is. We had another heartwrenching experience with a little plastic stick that showed us a minus sign when we’d prayed for a plus sign. Fuck off if you don’t understand why we prayed. Stef had been having all sorts of strange reactions to smells all week, and nauseousness, and we were hopeful. It’s something we both want and, regardless of what someone will probably try to tell us, we aren’t getting any younger. So, whatever. Don’t bitch at me.

It is really frustrating to see it happen for people so easily, even accidentally sometimes, and yet, no matter how hard we try, how much planning we do or the stupid articles we read… Can you understand my frustration? I guess it probably doesn’t come out textually the way it would in person.

Anyway, I have two things to show you that might brighten this entry.

That, my friends, is the first of the t-shirts I was able to get live for public consumption today. I am quite pleased with the way it turned out. Unfortunately, not that many Chelmsford people probably read this page. Just wait till I get the Bradford one together.

The other one:

The second one is a concert t-shirt for my old band. Keep in mind, the shirts displayed here are just two of the options you have when picking what you want the design picked on. You get all sorts of color choices, too.

I have designs done specifically for my family that I’ll be making live tomorrow. Eventually, there will be a whole store.

So, that and reading and writing is what I did today to keep my mind off of the silly thing I’m upset about. At least I’m finding ways to cope.