Paint, Paint, Paint

At the end of the day, as tired and worn out as I am, with as many things on my mind as there are, I find myself wondering why I keep doing this, why I keep doing anything. I need a nice long weekend of relaxation and I’m not going to get it. This weekend we have to finish painting, move ourselves into our new place, and I have to find myself a new car. My present car becomes illegal to drive as of Thursday because that’s when the rejection sticker expires. Everything is a mess and I need sleep and I’m not getting it.

There are lots of coping techniques that I’ve learned while attending therapy off and on over the past five years or so, but the trouble is that I’m too busy, too stressed out to use any of them. Deep down, I know I’ll get through it. Deep down, I know that I’m moving to a beautiful new place and that getting a new car is something I’ve wanted to do for some time, not something I should be dreading.

The trouble is that all of that is deep down.

Tomorrow’s Friday. This will be the first five-day work week I’ve worked in over a month. I didn’t think I was going to make it through. I still haven’t, but I think that I will.

I’m debating about taking Monday off, too. We won’t have hot water for a shower until some time on Monday afternoon. That being the case, I’m not sure I want to drive all the way back to Dracut on Monday morning to take a shower, just to go to work. I could spend the day getting my license changed over, finalizing buying a car if I haven’t already, and registering to vote and all that stuff. I should take it off, but it’ll be unpaid because I’ve run out of vacation time.

I don’t know what to do. I hope I figure it out.