If You Smell What Chris is Cookin

I’m a closet wrestling fan. I’ve admitted it in the past and I am admitting it again now. There is something intriguing to me in watching sweaty, half-naked men beat the piss out of each other. I go through periods when I’m really into it and periods where I couldn’t give a rat’s ass. Lately I’ve been in one of those modes where I am checking out wrestling sites daily just to see what’s going on. You see the biggest wrestler of the 80s is back in the business. Hulk Hogan is back brother, if you smell what Chris is cookin. (It’s Shake & Bake chicken by the way)

Last night when I should have been glued to the boob tube watching Hogan’s return to regular television (he appeared on a pay-per-view on Sunday night) the wife was being mezmerized by Olympic Ice Dancing. I knew big things were going to happen but she is more into ice skating and dancing than I am into wrestling.

Most of the time that is. Last night I think I was probably more interested in seeing what Hogan was up to than she was interested in seeing a bunch of yahoos try to translate ballroom dancing onto the ice. Hogan was the guy I grew up watching and he was back and I was pretty damn curious to see how the old geezer was going to fit into the current pro-wrestling landscape.

It wasn’t until tonight when I got home from work and got in front of my ‘puter that I was able to check out some clips from last night’s show. What I saw sent chills up my spine.

He was back and in rare form standing off in the squared circle with the latest and greatest thing to hit the sports-entertainment world, a guy by the name of The Rock. Two eras in each other’s face and turning on the charm real thick. It was fucking priceless. I was leaping out of my chair like a giddy twelve year old hoping they were gonna fight.

And then the clip stopped.

I now have a quest. I have to find a way to split the cable wire so I can get the little TV here in the back room to pick up some channels. Sounds simple but we have digital cable now and I’m not sure it would be easy as I only have one digital converter box.

All this because I am suddenly back into watching sweaty men put other sweaty men’s heads between their legs, picking them up and giving them “piledrivers.” Of course we all know that professional wrestling is just a front for closeted men who want to “get it on” in public.

It was Hulk Hogan though. Hulk Hogan. You understand don’t you?

If you don’t, I don’t blame you. I don’t really understand either. I just installed a copy of Madden 2002 on my computer. Where’s all this testosterone coming from?

At least I still have the remnants of my man-tits to remind me I’m really a pansy-ass girly man.