Weight on My Back

I finally called the doctor. I did it just now. Strangely, I don’t feel better or worse. I just feel the same. I was only leaving a message, after all. That isn’t a big deal, I guess. The really awkward moment will be when the nurse calls me back to ask what kind of "fertility" issue I’m experiencing. I hope that I’m in a private enough place when that call comes in. We’ll see. At least I made the call though. That’s a good thing, isn’t it?

It’s probably the only good thing… Nah. Fuck that. I did plenty that was good today. My writing this morning was good. I cleaned up a bunch of paperwork that was sitting on the desk. I even called the doctor. I fucking hate that voice in the back of my head that always wants to talk about how shitty my day was when it really wasn’t. Yes, I had a bad day at work, but when do I have a good day at work?

Anyway, I think I might actually make it through my impending deadline. It’s a week from Friday and I’m making some substantial progress on the novel. My only thing is that I could just sit here and tweak that first chapter forever once I’m done with it. There’s so much I want to get in there.

I also had some thoughts about finally updating this web site’s design and such in the way that I’ve been planning for a while. One of the things I’m going to do is get rid of the Who’s Who section. It’s too cumbersome to update and I have tons of people I mention who I’ll never get around to writing an entry for. I’m going to make the names click through to a custom search page now, a page that displays all the entries they’ve been mentioned in. From there, if people can’t figure out what each person is all about, I guess I haven’t done a good job.