To Rest or Not To Rest
It occurred to me tonight that perhaps I haven’t taken enough time to decompress in these first days after the loss of my job. I’ve just jumped right into a kind of schedule that’s just as busy as the one I just left. I wonder if that’s such a good thing. Yes, it’s good that I’ve got my claim filed. Yes, it’s good that I went and got the paperwork I needed in Lowell to apply for special benefits because I am a full-time student. And of course it’s great that I got reading done today. But haven’t I been aching for a vacation, a real vacation? Don’t I need some time to relax?
Some of this was prompted by Tori’s post today. I had been trying to come up with a whole daily schedule that kept me occupied the entire day with one thing or the other. When I came on the computer to check the page tonight and I saw what she said, that I should consider going someplace secluded to unwind and get rid of the fired feeling, I really go to thinking: If I don’t take some time to myself now, when will I ever get it?
The schedule I had come up with was fairly intense.
05-08:00 AM - Writing
08-09:00 AM - Breakfast and e-mail
09-12:00 PM - Reading
12-01:00 PM - Lunch and more e-mail or phone calls
01-03:00 PM - Job search
03-05:00 PM - Other personal projects
05-06:00 PM - Exercise (walk 3 miles round-trip)
I’m looking at that, thinking, "Do I really want to do that every day?" And even if I do want to do it every day, do I want to do it starting tomorrow? I just don’t know.
What I do know is that I have found it pretty easy to stay upbeat, as if all this positive energy had been building up in my body for the past two years and had only rarely been let out. I’m starting, very, very slowly, to feel like myself again. I’ve felt like myself for brief moments outside of work and even briefer moments at work, but I long for that person I discovered while unemployed the last time and the person I’ve been discovering in my writing and reading, when time has allowed for it. That’s the man I want to be. I’m happy to see that maybe, just maybe, I am on the right path.