You Must Restart Your Computer

I’ve been staying up late these last couple of days, working on Christmas projects and on the redesign of this website. It caught up to me this afternoon and early this evening and I decided to take a nap. Right now, I’m not sure that it helped. For a little while, I felt refreshed. Now, I just feel low, like unbelievably low.

I wish there was a magic button I could push to restart my brain on days like this, to clear out all the gunk and begin fresh. I feel as though I’ve regressed. I was talking about giving up writing and how Stef shouldn’t be with me, all the stupid irrational crap that comes out of my mouth when I can’t cope with whatever imbalance it is that’s inside of me.

I’m a smart guy, an analytical guy. My therapist, when I was going regularly, sometimes commented on how aware I was of my ailments. When something was going on, I almost always knew something was wrong with me. My main thing was just remembering to control it.

I need more sleep. I need to get back to writing on a regular basis. I need to give myself a break. These are generally the triggers that get me in moods like the one I’m in. Mondays are always a day when I can start fresh. So, here’s hoping that tomorrow will provide me with the opportunity to push that restart button and get back to normal.