Arguments

Stef needs to leave her job. She needs support from me, and encouragement that it’s the right thing to do. But I don’t have the energy to deal with it. I have deadlines looming. I am at the most critical juncture of my writing career so far. My thesis needs all of my attention. This leads to arguing and resentment. I resent her. She knows that I do. So, we argue. We argue and we cry and now maybe we’re better.

You should be honest with your wife. But when being honest with your wife means telling her that you resent her, should you still be honest? That’s been my dillema. Do I come out and say that her constant neediness sometimes drives me crazy? Do I tell her that I don’t have time to be the rock she leans on, that I need someone to lean on for once? What do you do? She’s having a rough time, but I’m at this crucial point in my life where I really need to focus on me.

So, I was honest. And I think that despite the tears and the raised voices, we’re better off for that. I let her know that I’m behind her, whatever she decides, but that I can’t be the one to always be there telling her how much she has to offer the world. I let her know that she needs to start believing that about herself.

For starters, she needs to leave her job. But, she can’t keep coming to me as if she’s asking for permission. She just needs to do it. For seconds, she needs to understand that just leaving the job isn’t going to solve all of her problems. I’ve been away from the shithole I was stuck in for months and I still feel the scars healing over. But, she needs to get out. That’s the first thing.

She seems to have a financial plan in place, and what I need to do is trust that’s she’s thought it through.

Then she needs to meditate and be with herself and really think long and hard about why she is such a wonderful and valuable person, what she has to offer a job and why any company would be crazy not to hire her. These are things I’ve been telling her for months, but she doesn’t listen to me. She needs to tell herself these things.

I’m going too far here. I’m going to stop for now. Let’s just leave it at this: we argued, I set down what I was feeling, and now, I think, we both feel better.