Ringfinger

Tonight will be the first time in 318 days that I go to sleep without a ring on my finger. I feel naked without it. I feel slightly nauseous. You would think that something bad had happened, something terrible. A fight. Maybe it slipped off. It’s been loose for God knows how long. You would think that something awful went down today when really the past twenty four hours have been quite the opposite. Except that it’s time to go to bed and there’s no ring on my finger.

I took my wedding ring to the jewelers today to get it resized and when they told me it would be Friday before I got it back I almost took it back then and there. Cooler heads prevailed however. I needed to do this. My ring has been loose since my wedding day. It fit fine when we bought it but I was in the process of losing weight and by the time the big day came round it didn’t sit so snug anymore. I needed to get this ring resized or risk losing it altogether.

I constantly fiddled with it, checking to make sure it was still there with my thumb and sometimes with my other hand. I suppose that’s why it feels so awkward now. Every time I reach for it and realize it’s not there I have to remind myself that I didn’t lose it, that it is, in fact, in safe hands.

They’re going to have to cut it which I’m not happy about. Because the rings Stephanie and I chose have this tiny design on the edge of them the place where they make the fix is going to be visible. I don’t know how visible but to put in perspective, I discovered that my ring was actually a size and a half too big. That’s a lot in ring sizes. Or so I’m told.

Mostly though, I’m just unhappy they couldn’t do it while I waited. I think that’s why I’ve put it off for so long. I wanted to find a day when I could just go there and sit and wait for it to be done. If I had to be apart from it at least we would be in the same building. It’s so strange to think that my ring is sitting in a box somewhere in Nashua. I want it back.

Human beings put a lot of stock in symbols and I am an exceptional case in point. This ring really is a token of my wife’s love for me. I see it as nothing less. To be apart from it feels wrong right down to the very core of me. When she came home tonight I felt ashamed. I didn’t want to tell her. She knew it had to be done and probably thought I was being silly feeling this way.

It was a sad way to end an otherwise profitable day. I had my first post-layoff job interview and it went exceptionally well. The only sticking point I can see is my asking price. I really want to work with them and I get the feeling that I might be a good fit there. I’m just not sure if I am too experienced or too expensive.

I’ll know by Friday.

In addition to that I put in some more time on getting my computer back to normal and then I worked on my new music video as well as a few new songs. Summer 2002 is going to see the launch of quite a few new ChrisClark projects.

And all will be well. As soon as I get my ring back.