Step Two

As a friend of mine who has been through fertility treatments recently told me, “We have it so much easier than the women.” Still, that reassurance did nothing to assuage my fears of what I had to do on Wednesday morning. In the end, I had to have a whole plan in place for how it would work. I would do the deed. Stef would be ready with warm towels in which to wrap the container holding the “specimen”, as per the instructions I was given. We would immediately get into the car and be on our way to the hospital. And, when I got there, they would take it from me without question and let me leave.

It all worked out except for the last part.

When I got there, I had to tell at least three seperate nurses, in a very loud voice, that I had a specimen to drop off for fertility testing. Heads turned—I know they did. I was embarrassed. Finally, mercifully, they took the container from me and brought it out back. This a very time-sensitive thing, in case you didn’t know. The troops begin to die off almost as soon as they’re exposed to the outside world. So, we only had about an hour to get them into the lab.

There would be no results for us on Wednesday, no answers, which was really frustrating. After all, it seemed to me, from what I’d read, that any results they’d have would be ready on that one day. They wouldn’t be able to keep the specimen viable for any longer than that anyway. But, I resigned myself to that fact as I sat down and waited and waited and waited for them to finally call me up to accept my forms and officially order the tests.

When we got home, I was in a bitter mood. I got right to writing and that calmed me. But, in the middle of the afternoon, when I had to stop writing to work on my craft lecture, I got angry. I got really, really angry.

I won’t repeat many of the horrible things I said about my work and about myself. You’ve heard them all before. So, let’s just leave it at this: I wasn’t fun to be around.

A late afternoon walk helped to calm me and by suppertime I was in better spirits. It was a rollercoaster, but it’s over now. Time to move on.