Red Sox? Who Cares?

I’m asking this because I’m a troublemaker, and because I love being a troublemaker: Does anyone honestly give a shit about the Red Sox starting up again on Sunday? I just can’t get excited about baseball, even after the heroics of last year. The introduction to Tom Caron’s mailbag, which elaborates on how the Yankees pitching staff rules and ours, once again, doesn’t, is the sort of thing that has me less than enthused. I mean, Randy Johnson against David Wells? I like Wells, despite the fact that he’s a big, fat medicine-ball head, but this isn’t even going to be a contest. And until that shitty Republican with the bum ankle comes back, I don’t like our chances. I just don’t.

ESPN.com’s Page 2 previews April in baseball today and I think they’ve got it right on two counts. On April 3, they say this will happen:

The Red Sox fear David Wells’ lifelong loyalty to the Yankees may be affecting his judgment when he begins his Opening Night start against New York by throwing his first 10 pitches underhanded—leading to six home runs, three doubles and a single—before manager Terry Francona pulls him.

And on April 8, they say this will happen:

“Fever Pitch,” starring Jimmy Fallon, opens in theaters nationwide, and baseball postpones all games so fans have time to locate Fallon and beat him with hard objects.

I’ll just comfort myself with the knowledge that The NFL Draft is less than a month away.