A Different Reaction

I read some more of Christopher Rice’s A Density of Souls today and again the text impacted me in ways that I hadn’t anticipated it would. This time, however, the effect was good. I came away from my reading tonight feeling confident, feeling like I could write as well as he does, that I already do, and that publishing can’t really be all that far away for me. It might have had something to do with the fact that today was overall a better day than yesterday but I don’t know. And the truth is, today didn’t start off very well, all things considered.

As I mentioned yesterday my car’s battery was dead. Rather than jumpstart it last night when Stef got home I decided to wait until this morning. I had another career transition class this morning and I figured it would do me good to get up early, take care of the car problem, and then head off to class. Well let’s just say, I didn’t get up early enough.

After a half-hour of unsuccessful attempts to get my car started Stef and I finally settled on an alternative plan. I would take her car, drop her off at work, and then go to class. I still made it to class late but since I called ahead to tell them of my problem it didn’t turn out to be that big of an issue.

Class went well and then my career counselor took me out to lunch to talk about all of the stress I’ve been feeling throughout this process. It was comforting to know that she has a couple of other 24 year olds as her clients and they are all feeling the same feelings of doubt and confusion that I am. That’s not to say that I wish my problems upon anyone else, it’s just to say that I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one, which I guess, if you looked at the right way (or the wrong way, depending on your perspective) you might construe as me saying that I wish others had the same problems as I.

Anyway, we did lunch and it was nice and then I came home and finally got my car jumpstarted. It took a lot more fighting with it but finally it made some noise as if it just taken a laxative and cleared itself out and then it went.

I also managed to snag myself a job interview for Tuesday amidst all this, and I might have another one coming if luck is on my side.

And the point of all this is that I arrived at my designated reading time in a much better mood and perhaps because I hadn’t read anything of my own today, I was able to dive into Rice’s novel without feeling inadequate or silly in my attempts to be a writer. The writing today inspired me. There were times at which, even knowing that it was a good novel I was reading, I found myself saying, “I could do as good as this.”

It was a good feeling to have some confidence back. Even if it was only for a few hours and now I sit here wondering if I’m full of shit.