Ostara

I ate too many brownies and too much candy. I drank too much soda and not enough water, and for the third day in a row I ended the night with a nasty case of acid reflux. But this is all just a regular holiday in the Clark family. It’s Easter and I don’t feel good and I’m up late watching a special on the Discovery Channel on the historical Jesus, which is freaking me out bigtime, as specials like this often do, and I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do right after the special is over to calm myself down real fast in order that I might get a full night’s sleep.

As with most family gatherings of late talk turned to my lack of a job and our plans for a family. Stef and I do have pretty solid plans for starting a family and I am trying to get a job. I think this was all communicated. There isn’t any pressure per se. There is interest, vested interest. I think people in the family see us as potentially good parents and they see me as a talented individual and they are eager to see when things get back on track for us.

Aside from the chatter we hid eggs for an egg hunt and I drew a map of my parents’ house so I could translate it into the electronic world of The Sims. I turned off the television when I saw my young cousin flipping through the channels and pausing on the mature stations at the higher end of the dial. My Grandma lectured us on morality and the lack thereof in today’s society. It’s always fascinating to hear her views on things.

I don’t know… Easter is hard. Since I’m not particularly religious I find it hard to celebrate the holiday now that there aren’t as many kids around. Christmas makes sense as a holiday because we all have a need to celebrate lightness in the midst of the darkest season. Easter is a bit harder if you aren’t a believer because really, how appealing is a holiday then, which is mainly based upon a rabbit who somehow delivers eggs? It’s appealing when you’re a kid and you get to find the eggs and it’s sort of appealing to be the one hiding the eggs but as you see all of the kids getting older… perhaps too old… you have to be a little bit sad. We need the pitter-patter of little feet in our family again. Soon.

And it seems the gauntlet has fallen to Stef and I. Not the we mind. Kids are something I definitely want and really, the can’t come soon enough. Fatherhood is one adventure, one challenge that I feel totally up for and excited about.

Call me crazy, but that’s just the way I see it.