Conflicts of Interests

A year ago today, Stephanie and I applied for our marriage license at Nashua City Hall and the woman there gave us all sorts of trouble because we didn’t name an officiant on our application. When we tried to explain that in a Baha’i wedding there is no officiant she caused a big to-do and got her boss and her boss’s boss involved. It was all eventually worked out by pointing out to this woman that Baha’i marriage is one of the options listed in the officiant or whatever section. She’d apparently not read the form she was responsible for doling out on a daily basis. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if trouble with paperwork were the worst of my troubles a year later?

Stef and I are caught between a rock and a hard place in our marriage. A rock and a lot of hard places I suppose. We are happy with each other but unhappy with so many other things in our life that being happy with each other, as nice as that feeling is, can’t keep us from being annoyed, upset, and frustrated ninety-nine percent of the time.

Case in point is this: Stef is looking for another job. The job she has the best chance of securing at present is not going to pay her enough money. It would probably make her happier than the job she’s in now but we plan on having kids within a year and she wants to be able to quit her full-time job after the child is born and so, should she switch jobs right now or should she just tough it out?

You also have to figure in that we’ve been told by our financial advisor that we could be debt-free by 2005 (including freedom from that greedy bitch Sallie Mae) if we continue to pay the same amount we are paying towards debt now. If Stef quits her job after a baby is born we won’t be making as much money, we won’t be able to pay off our debt by 2005, and chances are we’ll end up in more debt than we’re in now.

So, how does that change the answer to the first question? Does she then go for the new job because it’ll make her happier? Do we forget about having children till she’s 29 and I’m 28, when we’ll finally be debt free? Does she stick with the job she has now and quit after the baby and get a part-time job when the time comes?

Questions. Questions. Questions.

A year ago I thought there would be no worse problem than a woman giving us a hard time at the town hall. I was bitching about not being recognized for me efforts at work. I was talking about punching my computer monitor. Those problems seem so pitiful and insignificant with distance.

If the problems of life grow bigger year after year then I must say that I can’t see myself standing here a year from now. If life gets any more complex than it is right now I think I’m gonna quit.

I’m just unsure who I would send my letter of resignation to.