Every once in a while I’ll have a little memory of something, some little thing, a memento or something, that I had at one point. I’ll wonder if I still have that thing and then after not to long at all, I’ll go in search of it. When the memento doesn’t turn up right away I become obcessed. It’s not pretty. I’ll go to any lengths to find what I’m looking for. I won’t accept that what I’m looking for perhaps is no longer around. When it comes to old computer files I am particularly crazed.
Tonight I was going through old songs I had stored on my computer from Andy. He used to post new songs to his website every once in a while and whenever there was a new one I would download it. I have all of those songs. I stored them on a zip disk when I moved from my old Hewlett Packard computer that I had in college to my present machine.
But then I got to thinking about a song that Andy wrote specifically for my senior project and I set about on a quest through my plethora of zip disks and old shit. I couldn’t find it. I checked my archived E-Mail. I couldn’t find it there either. I even went so far as to write to Andy, who I remember E-Mailing the file to once.
What baffles me is… how could I have been so careful to save all of this other stuff, all of Andy’s other songs, and not save that one. It’s very fucking disturbing to me. This type of thing makes me second guess myself whenever I throw something out, whenever I trash an E-Mail message, whenever I throw out an outdated copy of TV Guide.
I ask myself… How do I know I won’t need this later?
This is a problem I covered in detail, in a very humourous fashion when I wrote The People vs. Jesus Christ. There’s a big plot point involving how the main character can’t throw anything out. I identify a lot with that scene.
So here I sit at 11:23 PM on a Friday night wondering how I’m going to find this file when I should be in bed, conserving my energy for a partial Neon Gummi Squiggle People reunion (for those not in the know, the Neon Gummi Squiggle People were a group of people that got to know each other during the first days of our time at Bradford College). It’s really rather frustrating.