Cookouts and Shots

After a nice visit with Mom, Dad, and Grandma, the first time we’d seen them in ages, Stef and I drove home to deal with our third night of Lupron injections. Each night I seem to get more and more paranoid that I’m doing it wrong and Monday night was no different. It seems insane to me that such important business is being left up to us. This whole IVF process seems very delicate to me, and I know it’s very expensive, and the fact that we’re responsible for administering all of these injections and that we’ve never been given a demonstration or something to practice on… Well, I guess we all knew that this process was going to drive me nuts, knowing what we know about me, but I think it’s driving me even more nuts than I could have possibly expected.

It didn’t take me all that long to calm down after the shot. Stef and I sat on the couch and watched a couple of reruns of Friends, a show we used to love that we haven’t watched in ages. We laughed a lot and I remembered what a great day I’d had prior to the shot and all was well again.

Sitting around my parents’ house and jawing all day has become one of my favorite pasttimes. It’s amazing to me how home, a place you used to long to escape in your rebellious teenage years, quickly reverts to a place where you feel calm and at peace again. The cookouts and the catching up and the talking about all of the silly particulars of this drawn-out process we find ourselves engaged in… It makes me feel better to go over there.

So I guess I just need to make sure I do something positive each day before and after giving Stef the shot, so that I don’t focus too much on the actual event. When I focus on the actual event, I get chills. I get a little panicky. So I need to find something each day to distract me.

Some might say, especially with these early shots that she can give herself, that I might be better off letting her do them herself. But I want to be involved, and she appreciates me being involved. Sure, she could do it herself. But we’re in this together.