Becoming Routine

Another day, another shot… When we began our infertility treatment, one of my primary hopes, aside from conceiving a happy, healthy child, was that, during the course of our treatment, giving shots to Stephanie would begin to seem routine. A few days into it, and that’s exactly how I feel. I still don’t like sticking her with a needle every night, but I’ve finally gotten used to it. I still feel a bit uneasy when she winces, and I probably inject the medicine a bit faster than I should, just to get the thing out of her, but I’m not breaking out into cold sweats anymore. I’m not feeling nauseous at the mere thought of it all.

And I’ve begun to think about happier things, about what might happen if this process actually succeeds, instead of dwelling on all the negatives. I’ve had visions of singing to my kids, singing with them. I’ve imagined them hanging out with my friends and family and I’ve thought about what I’d like them to take away from their interactions with the people who are close to me. I’ve thought about reading to them, taking them for walks. In short, I’ve begun to really focus on how positive an experience this might be.

After all, we have no reason not to be positive. There is nothing wrong with Stephanie and fertility actually seems to run in her family. None of the women in her family appear to have ever had any trouble conceiving. And we haven’t heard anything negative about the bloodwork they did on me. Men with far fewer sperm than me have managed to conceive children. So, we have every reason to believe that if they get a few good embryos out of this process that at least one of them will take.

Sure, I’ve read one horror story after another on the Internet. I’ve seen countless specials on TV that should give me cause to be negative. And we all know that I’m a defeatist by nature to begin with. But I’m finding it easier, as we get into the routine of this whole process, to finally be optimistic about something. I’m going to be crushed if it doesn’t work—let’s be honest about that. But, I just have this feeling… If we stayed positive, then the odds are finally on our side.