Baby vs. Job - An Early Crisis (Part II)
It appears that Thursday’s entry did more harm than good. When I told Stef about what I’d written and the response to it, late in the afternoon on Friday, it ended up clouding an issue that, for her, had already become clear. Everyone who read my argument and responded to it, whether publicly or privately, concurred with me. Stef, on the other hand… while she had agreed with me initially, she came to realize that this job just wasn’t going to work. And here’s why.
Despite everything I argued on Thursday, the real deal is this: the week she’d be training for the job is the same week she’ll be undergoing the two most important procedures of this whole IVF process: the retrieval and the subsequent implantation. The dates for these two procedures depend entirely on her reaction to the drugs she’s taking now. So, when the day school asks her for specific days, she can’t provide them with the information.
It could probably be worked out. I’m sure they’re sensible people. And they do seem to really like Stef. But she’s the type of person that, when she first starts a job, wants to be totally committed to it. She wants to be there for all of the training meetings. She doesn’t want to put the company in a lurch in her first week. So, even if they could work it out, the stress involved during that critical week appears to be too much.
Amidst a lot of hugging and crying, she explained it to me this way: she’s got her whole life ahead of her to get a job, but, for her, there isn’t much time left to start a family. I know that’s not entirely true, and she knows its not entirely true, but that doesn’t really matter. What she feels right now is that she wants to focus 100% on this babymaking endeavor. If it fails: fine. She just doesn’t want to do anything to help it fail.
(On a side note, the other reason she doesn’t want to do the job right now is because if she takes the job and this first cycle fails she’ll have to wait until August, when the job is over, to start another one)
The idea of the job as a distraction is a nice one, but it’s something that would be more useful for me than for her. Stephanie is not the type of person who is going to obsess over things that are out of her control. I think, perhaps, it’s easy to project the Chris Reaction Syndrome onto people close to me. But she’s not going to need distractions during these next few weeks. She’ll work on her sewing, she’ll look for other jobs, and she’ll relax. Once they put the eggs back into her, there’s nothing she can do. She realizes that and she’ll act accordingly. She’ll rest as much as the doctors tell her and she’ll just get on with her life.
So, it appears she will not take the job. Which is fine. Financially, it will all work itself out. The most important thing is that she not be stressed. When we finally came to the decision that she shouldn’t take the job, it was as if a weight had been lifted. She was feeling pressure from all sides to take it and that wasn’t helping.
We move closer to our goal each day. Today, we lowered the dosage of Stef’s Lupron injection and started her stimulation injections. Also, we each had to take a handful of Zithromax, an antibiotic. It made me far sicker than I thought it would, but once I got some food into me (an amazing sub from Quiznos) I was better. And I saw Fred for my haircut today, too.
Life goes on, as it always does.