Life at the Vacant Building

For months construction companies have been at work on the most important renovational project in the history of Massachusetts. No kids, I’m not talking about the fabled Big Dig. I’m not talking about the reconstruction of Rte. 3. I’m talking about the installation of a brand new store into the once wonderous Chelmsford Mall, affectionately referred to around these parts as the Chelmsford Vacant Building. For months they have been preparing a large portion of the mall for reopening as the new Kohl’s Department Store. For months I have wondered what this new megastore might look like. Months of wondering ended today kiddies, as the store opened it’s doors and I went inside.

I went aside and it sucked. It sucked more ass the Chasey, Janine, and Raylene combined. It blew more goats than a… than a female goat. Christ, how many different ways can I say it? That store was the biggest letdown I’ve ever experienced. If it’s still open five years from today I’ll be fucking amazed.

We already have a Wal-Mart in Chelmsford, two others within a twenty minute drive, and a Target in Nashua, just over the border in New Hampshire. We have no need of yet another superstore. I was expecting something stupendous with the way they’ve been hyping this thing in the local media. And what did I get?

A glorified Filenes Basement.

Kohl’s is just another bargain basement clothing store with a cooking section thrown in for good measure, you know the kind… with a row or two of pots and pans and a couple of shelves of multi-colored George Foreman grills. I was hoping for an electronics section to put Wal-Mart or Target to shame. A toy section at least…

But I was put down by the man.

Which is all good I guess, when you consider I did get to spend a nice evening out with JonMartin and Vanessa in Boston. We ate at Boston and they experienced first-hand my new scruffy face. We roamed Newbury Street for a while and I bought the Rock Steady, the latest No Doubt record, which I am listening to as I type this.

Yeah it was all good once I got to go out and have some fun but for a little while there, after my adventure at Kohl’s… I was ready to kick some ass.