One Hour Respite

Two of my favorite members of the Lesley faculty were reading on Saturday night, so Stephanie and I devised a plan that would allow me to go see the reading and still be home in time to give her the shot. It wasn’t the most cost-effective plan, and the visit with my friends in the program was all too short, but it was the kind of thing that I hope we’re able to continue to work out as we enter the realm of parenthood. Social life outside of the family doesn’t have to be big, but there should be some semblance of it. And that’s what I got tonight.

I suffered through conflicting emotions as I drove south towards Cambridge. On the one hand, I was glad to be able to go. Michael Lowenthal and Susan Goodman are excellent readers, and I knew they would both live up to my lofty expectations of them. But, on the other hand, I was upset at myself for being selfish, for wanting to go at all. Stef had a sore throat, and wasn’t feeling well in general, and I was wondering if I should have stayed home, even as she was shooing me out the door.

I got to the reading and all trace of guilt disappeared. As I mingled with the crowd of underclassmen, who really did seem to be missing us graduates, as well as the three or four other graduating students who were there, I got so wrapped up in being there that I didn’t have time to be sad. The readings were great, with Susan reading from an upcoming book of hers about pee called Gee Whiz (she is primarily a nonfiction writer for children, and has already written a best-seller called, The Truth About Poop) and Michael reading a nonfiction piece (he is primarily a writer of novels) about his experiences while traveling on a cruise with a group of blind, gay men. For about an hour, I felt as if I were back in the Lesley program. I felt as if I were home.

And then I actually had to go home. I walked with a small group of people from the program towards one of the local watering holes, and I said my goodbyes at the door. Sadder than I’d been before, I hurried towards the train station, as if I were running away from something.

At home, I prepped Stef’s shot and gave it to her without incident. And then I cried. It was just a little cry, but one I needed desperately. I explained how much I wanted a family, but how I was afraid of losing even little moments like the ones I had tonight. I wasn’t expecting to be able to go out every night, or hang out for hours on end, especially if we got this family started. But I would always hope for little visits like the one I had tonight, and if they were totally gone, I didn’t know what I would do.

That was my day. Well, we also saw Batman Begins, which ruled. If I had the time, I’d type a review. But I have to get the notes for my class together. I teach it on Thursday morning and there isn’t much time left for procrastinating.