Outta My Way

The further we get into this horrendous “two week wait”, the worse I become. I’m driving faster on the way home, passing people left and right if they show even the slightest hint of slowing down, pushing my car to speeds it probably shouldn’t go. I’m getting angrier easier, swearing under my breath at people on the subway, almost wishing they’ll hear me, get pissed off, and take a swing at me, just so that I can deck them. And I’m getting worked up about the stupidest shit. Tonight, for instance, I got all bent out of shape when Stef and I tried to work out our plans for checking into the hotel tomorrow night.

We’re staying at a hotel close to the Lesley campus for the next few days, so that I can participate in my final residency while still having the time to give Stephanie her shot each night. This whole process has become an ordeal, and I haven’t had one ounce of patience to deal with it. We thought we’d gotten a good deal with a hotel in Harvard Square, but now it turns out that the price to park there will be about $30 a day. So, all the money we saved on getting something closer to the college is now being wasted on fucking parking.

It’s a stupid thing to get upset about, as are most of the things I get upset about nowadays, but that didn’t seem to matter. I got pissed off. We argued a bit. Stef came upstairs to ice down the injection site. And then, finally, I simmered down.

She’s been doing everything in her power to make sure I’m able to enjoy these last few days of my MFA program and I’ve been doing everything in my power to make sure I’m a miserable asshole.

I’m just glad that the residency is almost here. It’ll be a really good couple of days, and then a really good long weekend, and then, hopefully, a really good Tuesday. Tuesday is the day we get our first pregnancy test done.

If ever there was a test of my ability to live in the moment, instead of focusing on what comes next, these next couple of days will be that kind of test.