Winners Want the Ball

Sitting with Sara at the Sue Miller reading on Monday night, I was reminded of a Gene Hackman quote from the film, The Replacements. As is often the case when I attend readings and theatrical events, I found myself longing to switch places with the performer, to be on stage instead of in the audience, to be sharing my own work with the world. And I’ve always wanted some way to explain this peculiar sensation, this distracting tangent my mind always seems to wander off along. The Hackman quote that came to mind, a ridiculous quote to be reminded of during a literary reading, was, “Winners always want the ball.”

That really is true with me. I can’t go to a good film, a good reading, or a good play without wishing I could be performing instead of watching. And it’s not that I’ve ever thought I could do better than the people I’m watching, or that they were doing poorly at all. No, the sensation is always one of just wanting to get up there and join them, to be doing what they’re doing.

Anyway, I had a nice time with Sara at the reading and we met up with Jill at McCormick & Schmick’s for a quick drink after that before I headed off for the train station to catch my ride back home. It turned out I could have stayed longer, as I was thinking that the trains still departed North Station on the same schedule they did a few years ago, and that was disappointing, but at least I got to go out at all.

Stef decided to join her family in Maine this week for their annual camping trip. After all the going back and forth about it, trying to decide who would give her the progesterone injections while she was up there, I was just happy that the trip was here and I didn’t have to worry about it anymore. She called a number of times to calm my nerves, as I’d requested, and that made the whole thing a lot more painless than I’d imagined it might be.

So, I got to go out, and I didn’t have to give a shot, and I ate ridiculous amounts of junk food in lieu of a real dinner. It was all good, and all good is all good with me.