A Year After the Axe

A year ago today I lost the job that had slowly been sapping my sanity for two years. In the year since, I have slowly but steadily regained the confidence I’d lost. I have made great strides in my writing. And Stephanie and I have solved our fertility problems. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I was able to accomplish such great things only when I was freed from my old job. I don’t think that’s a coincidence at all.

The change I think is most prominent is my ability to see things clearly. I still don’t see things as clearly as some people, and I’d like to continue to work on that, but I definitely have a more well-adjusted perspective than I did while at the old job. Instead of getting upset about the way I feel at the end of a long day like today, I am able to recognize that long days drain me, that I need to take it easy on myself in the evenings, and that I have to be content with whatever productivity I can muster in my off-hours, no matter how insignificant. Being happy with myself—that wasn’t something I could manage at all at the old job.

And not getting totally bent out of shape just now when I was present, for the first time, during one of Stef’s bouts with morning sickness—that was something I never could have done a year ago either.

So, I’ve made strides. And on Wednesday morning, when we step into the doctor’s office to hear our baby’s heart beat for the first time, I won’t have all that extra baggage weighing me down. Instead, I’ll be able to enjoy the moment for all that it is, without feeling bad about myself or my position in life.