The Secret of Success on the Web

Do you long to drive search engine traffic to the doorstep of your Website, but just don’t know how? Writing about boobies appears to be the secret to finding success on the Web, or at least the secret to generating traffic from absolutely ridiculous search terms. In fact, you don’t even really have to write about knockers per se. So long as you include some reference to the female breast in your domain name, you should be all set. Hurry: is still available, as of this writing.

If you can manage it, the other thing to do is to include as many pictures of clothed and unclothed melons as you can. “The bigger the bazookas, the bigger the payoff,” I always say. If you have to cover up the cans, do your best to cover only as much as you have to. Internet perverts, the niche audience that all serious Web businessmen covet, like to see hooters flying free, and not all caged up.

Include an alphabetical list of women with large breasts. Pervs like their stroke material alphabetized. If you know the Dewey Decimal system, it might not hurt to include a list grouped that way, too.

If you know how to make a homemade male vagina, then don’t hesitate to share at least part of your instructions (saving the rest of your recipe for your e-book, of course). If you’ve discovered the secret to the difficult process of ejaculating on your wife’s rack, then please do share!

The real key to success on the Web is that nobody cares about what you ate for breakfast this morning, unless you ate it off of someone’s tits. Nobody cares if you’re bored with your job, unless you’re bored with job because you know that your big boobs could make you more money than Bea Arthur’s breasts have made her. And, seriously, no one wants to see the picture of yourself that you took last night unless it also features Britney Spears, Martha Stewart, and a thick slab of salami.

Those are the secrets to success on the Web. You’re welcome.