Dick Clark’s New Year’s F’in’ Eve

happy new year. i know its cliche to say it, but i really can’t believe the speed at which this year has gone by. 365 have come and gone and to tell you the truth, i don’t really recall a year going by this fast before.

or this slow.

i’m not going to try and recap everything that has gone down this year. firstly, because if you’ve been paying attention, you already know that it was, just like every other year, filled with lots of my whining, lots of mediocre music, and lots of 13 hour days. the year 2000 will ultimately go down as the biggest letdown of all time. not because it was uneventful. hell, plenty went down in Y2K, but what didn’t happen was what people had been promising for years, decades, centuries even..,

the fucking world did not end.

and it probably won’t end this year either. the simple truth of it is, we want to believe that the world will end when the atom bomb or the y2k bug, or this thing or that thing comes and destroys us all. i got news for you. the world wouldn’t be over. we would, but not the world. there’d still be the bacteria.

and dick clark of course. that motherf*cker be drinkin ambrosia with zeus and shit…

it was ambrosia that the deities drank, right? i don’t think it was jack daniels. immortality through whiskey.

its something to ponder.

the second reason i am not going to recap the year’s events is because my parents are waiting to order chinese food until we get our asses over there. chinese food? you ask.

hey i don’t get it either but i ain’t gonna complain when i be gettin free beef on a stick.

i hope you like the new design. i do. its my late christmas present to you all. and of course your late christmas present to me will be your purchase of my new album “Ascent” available at mp3.com. (and by the by, if you want to order it by check and you see me on any sort of regular basis you do not have to pay for shipping and handling.

anyway, off i go to party hardy with the folks, flip incessantly between the drunken parties being held on tv, and to make more new years’ resolutions i can’t keep (last year i resolved to play one live show by the end of this year. it don’t look likely that’s gonna happen…)

oh well. have a happy new year.

Eggnog

Am I antisocial, or do I just fear new things? I mean, eggnog isn’t that bad is it? I’ve never had it so I wouldn’t know. And there is eggnog being consumed in the next room, yet I am in here, at my desk, toiling away, doing my job, as if any cares that I’m doing my job today. Everyone’s out there drinking eggnog. The only thing they care about is getting buzzed and explaining the Christina Aguilera & Eminem fued to one another.

So why aren’t I drinking eggnog with them? Is it because I’m afraid of things I haven’t tried before? Or is it because I’m afraid of people I hardly know (even after 10 months here) and of making an ass out of myself in front of them? Hmmm…

When in doubt, blame the eggnog.

Hall of Fame

I shouldn’t have to tell you why this press release makes me giddier than a school girl in a pleated skirt and knee-highs…

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The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Announces 2001 Inductees During Live News Event at VH1 Studios
Sixteenth Annual Induction Ceremony to be Held March 19th in New York

Tuesday, December 12, 2000, New York, NY—The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Inductees for the Sixteenth Annual Induction Ceremony were announced today at VH1 by Jann Wenner, Editor and publisher of Rolling Stone magazine. Here, in alphabetical order, are the Inductees for 2001:

Aerosmith, the original five bad boys from Boston—Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, Brad Whitford, Tom Hamilton, Joey Kramer—epitomize American blues-rooted style rock and roll and continue, after three decades, to rock our world.
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In addition to my favorite band in the world here finally gettin there just desserts, other nominees include Queen, Michael Jackson, and Ritchie Valens. It is the dream Hall of Fame lineup for a pop bubblegum whore like myself. woo-hoo!

Half The Man…

Rochelle says that I’m half the man I used to be. And she means that in a good way.

I guess people have been noticing the gradual weight loss a lot more these days. I’m proud that I’ve been able to shed the pounds but I try not to make a big deal about it but I guess it came up in conversation today, at which point Melanie asked me how much I had lost. I told her I had lost 40 lbs. She was impressed. So impressed in fact, that she started telling lots of people. And then everyone in the office seemed to know. Now me, I love attention when I’m in control of it, but when its being thrust upon me it makes me uncomfortable. It was a little weird to have this accomplishment acknowledged.

And then Rochelle, one of my bosses, towards the end of the day says to me that she had been meaning to tell me that I was half the man I used to be but she just hadn’t found the time. And you know, now I’m thinking: this is a good thing. People are noticing. Even some of the guys and I were talking about it and jeeze I feel good. I did it slow and gradual so that I could keep it off and now the only new years resolution I have left to fulfill is to perform live once.

Course I’ve only got 20 something days left…

Presidential Debacle

Hey, I’m as big a Gore supporter as they come, but this is just fucking funny shit. I made fun of Bush and I am an equal opportunity offendor so here you go…

Gore Calls For Recount Of Supreme Court Vote

WASHINGTON, DC—An increasingly desperate Al Gore called for a recount Tuesday of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 9-0 decision in Bush v. Palm Beach County Canvassing Board. “There is reason to suspect that these nine votes were not properly counted and that as many as five justices who sided with Mr. Bush did not intend to do so,” Gore said. “It is therefore in the best interest of our democracy for the U.S. Supreme Court to suspend judgment in this case until we can be absolutely certain that this court did, in fact, intend to rule in Mr. Bush’s favor.” Gore added that if his recount request is denied, he will file an appeal with the Interplanetary Supreme Court.

- From The Onion.com